Patrina.

this overwhelming reluctance

i couldnt get to sleep.
& allowed thoughts to run wild in my mind.
i know i shouldnt, but i just cant help it.

i pictured myself standing at the hall
with your hands held tightly in mine,
wishing that moment could stay forever.
but you said goodbye.

my body went numb, my legs weakened.
i fell right on the spot, feeling the walls around me crumple.
"dont go.."
"dont go.."
"please dont go.."
seeing you take every step further and further away from me,
i started to cry in despair.

then i shut my mind.
this cant go on.
a tear or two trickled down the corner of my eye
whenever the same scene plays at night.

am i imagining too much?
this is the very very first time ever, i wished dejavu never exist.

if time could turn
i'll take back my words
i'll never encourage you to go ahead overseas
i'll never mean what i said
i never thought this would be so hard.

nothing in my life prepared for it, nothing at all.

='(
can you not leave?