nevermind the broken wings,

` double trouble ;

spag,cardigan and shorts.
that's what i wore to school today.
gosh-i dont know why i dressed that way. maybe cos someone commented on how lians dresses nowadays.but..
(iiE dOnT wAnNa bE cHaOzSx aH LiAnSzXzZ nEhXsZ)
=/

nvm about that.
school's pretty normal.except that CIP tutor really touched my heart.
he did so much just to rmb all of us when he retires. aww man-

i couldnt keep my emotions stable while on the bus ride home.
beats me why.
maybe i read too much into some vague but blatant (irony,i know) occurence.
so anyway i chucked my stuffs down the moment i reached home
and ignoring my phone or anything that's gonna distract me,
i grabbed my keys and went to the highest storey of my block.
oh yes,22th floor.
no suicidal thoughts i swear.
just some time to ponder over stuffs that've been mingling with my feelings on and off recently.
and also self reflection on my management when it comes to studies.
because clearly i'm aware that everything's not in place,
that i'm putting myself on the wrong track.

the wind was blowing on my face despite the scorching rays.
i looked straight - there.the carpark garden.
then looked down - the playground where fond memories flowed
and finally looked up - the 40th storey building.
days ago i stood there with a special companion and i did,particularly,felt special too.
but now i've returned to where i belong,forced back to reality.

common test is in a weeks' time.
but hey patrina,why arent you having something up your sleeves?
like,start mugging enthusiastically like how you used to?
this is such a problem and yet you cant seemed to take it seriously.
tell me how are you supposed to go on like this..
SIGHHHH-

i have to be certain.
i have to be heartless.
i cannot let vulnerability overtake me any further.
in the long run i'll just crash and suffocate under it.

HANDS OFF,PAT.
YOU HAVE TO LET GO.
this time i call the shots.
cos i can take this no more.
& good luck there anyway.
prove to me that my instincts are right all these while.

i've been playing this song repeatedly.
the lyrics hit the bull'seye of my current emotion.